NCIS Bloodbath
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NCIS Bloodbath

NCIS: Bloodbath

Entomologist guy:
"Excuse me for not checking the axe murder policy when I made the reservation."

Mrs. Entomologist:
"We requested the one with the eviscerated squirrels but this is all they had."

"Leave it to the assasin to rain on my parade."

"An anonymous toothbrush? I would rather remove my own tonsils with Typhoid Mary's straigt razor."

Quoted from the notebook of oomm

2:31 p.m. - 2006-04-27


Enjoy. It's dreadful, but quite short.

From Black Books.

Bernard: It's all waffle! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine doesn't have a taste.
Manny: Of course you can't taste anything, you smoke eighty bajillion cigarettes a day. What's that you're eating?
Bernard: It's some sort of delicious biscuit.
Manny: It's a coaster!

Bernard: You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Manny: Do you think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

Manny: There's a girl.
Bernard: A what? You know I don't approve of you seeing other girls- people. Who is she?
Manny: Roweena, a friend of Anne's. I met her once and was hoping to meet her again.
Bernard: Oh, I see.
Bernard: Roweena! Roweeeeena! And what am I supposed to do while you're doing the underpants charleston with this insane, blind tart?
Manny: Why are you getting so angry?
Bernard: I can't help being angry when I'm furious! So, before you go off to raise your bearded freak circus, what's she like?
Manny: She's nice.
Bernard: She's nice, she- dont make me sick into my own scorn. What are her prospects? Does she play the viola? Does she embroider? Is she kind to the servants?
Manny: I don't know. All I know is I like her and there's a good chance that she likes me.
Bernard: [Later] Well, we're going to this party because I'm trying to picture this girl who likes you and all I can see is you in a dress.


Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

7:05 p.m. - 04.22.06



From Max Headroom due to Crates post on aliens which prompted me to go back in time.

Max Headroom: Now, I'm no librarian, in fact, I don't know what star sign I am. But, as a famous person once said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." And as I - another more famous person - once said, "If you don't teach them to read, you can fool them whenever you like."

Max Headroom: As, 'tis Max Headroom here, and I quote from the bard, Shakespeare, a writer: "The quality of TV is not strained, it dropeth as the gentle ratings dropeth to a very tiny percentage share and, lo, 'tis gone." Of course, Shakespeare would have loved your rating system. Twelfth Night would have been lucky to have lasted *one*!

Murray: You can't fake a tape! Pictures don't lie!
Murray: At least not until you've assembled them creatively.

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

11:35 p.m. - 04.20.06



It's about damn time right? Geez...okay

From Andy Richter Controls the Universe which I actually really liked:
JESSICA: We are sick of your cost cutting. We want our cream back! And our forks, knives and spoons. No more sporks and spinknives and knifoons! It's like a Dr. Seuss kitchen down there!

From Animaniacs:
WAKKO: According to this, I'd say we've lost our way.
YAKKO: This isn't a map. It's a flyer for the Republican Party.
WAKKO: I know. That's why I'd say we've lost our way. As a country, I mean.

DOT: I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, and here is a note from my shrink. He says I'm getting better. Last week I thought I was a toaster oven!

DOT: Come on, admit it. We'd make the perfect couple. Like Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet...
YAKKO: Timmy and Lassie.

From the Brak Show:
FRANKLIN: It's so nice to have you all here as dinner - uh, for dinner. I-I've never seen such a delicious group.
DAD: Delicious?
FRANKLIN: Uh, meaning, of course, that we're all delicious people, aren't we? On the inside? Where the meat is?

BRAK: Hey, what's that over there?
THUNDERCLEESE: The Sword of Slaughter!
BRAK: Oh, boy, what's that over there?
THUNDERCLEESE: The Canon of Fear!
BRAK: How 'bout that?
THUNDERCLEESE: Missiles of Unmentionable Terror!
BRAK: What's that, is that a beach ball?
THUNDERCLEESE: No! It is a Battle Sphere of Doom!
BRAK: What do you think that thing is?
THUNDERCLEESE: That's a light switch.
BRAK: Uh-huh.
THUNDERCLEESE: Of Total Devastation!
BRAK: You don't say.

That's it for now. < 3 xoxoxox

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

12:32 p.m. - 03.23.06


Happy Christmas...late

In honor of Christmas which is now over but I hadn't gotten around to it till now...Here are some quotes from those Christmas movies we all hate/love/pretend to hate but secretly love

From Scrooged

[Frank is confronted by the ghost of his old boss]
Frank Cross: No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.

Ghost of Christmas Past: I don't mind you shooting at me, Frank, but take it easy on the Bacardi

From A Christmas Story

Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Mrs. Parker: No, you'll shoot your eye out.

Ralphie: Oooh fuuudge!
Ralphie as Adult: Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Mr. Parker: What did you say?
Ralphie: Uh, um...
Mr. Parker: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
Ralphie as Adult: It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.

Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
Mother: He does not!
Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!

I'm limiting myself to three because there are so many great ones

From Christmas Vacation

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

From How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Narrator: All the Whos down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not. The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or maybe his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the best reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Singer: You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch / You have termites in your smile / You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile / Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the... seasick crocodile.

Hope you had a very happy christmas.

Quoted from the notebook of pop-trash

10:05 a.m. - 2005-12-28


I can't sleep!!!

From Eurotrip:
Cooper: You still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class.
Scott: At first it was, but we've become pretty good friends. He's actually a cool guy.
Cooper: Scott, would ya listen to yourself? You met a "cool guy" on the *Internet*. This is how these sexual predators work. First he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, then he's gonna kidnap you in the back of his van, then he's gonna make a wind chime out of your genitals.

From Will & Grace:
Karen: Honey, black, white, gay, straight... What's it matter? We all finish ourselves off in the end anyway!

Will: I'm thirsty.
Grace: I'm hungry.
Karen: I could hump a tree.

From Absolutely Fabulous:
EDINA: I did tell you the facts of life, didn't I, sweetie?
SAFFY:If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at two in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear, "By the way, sweetie, people have it off," then yes, you told me the facts of life.

From Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
IGNIGNOT: Using a key to gouge expletives on another's vehicle is a sign of trust and friendship.

SHAKE: I got rid of my teeth at a young age because... I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get them.

And finally for today
From the Clerks cartoons:
RANDAL: Do you think Phantom Menace is as good of a movie as Empire?
GEORGE LUCAS: Well, certainly, I think it's the best movie I've made yet.
RANDAL: Permission to treat this witness as hostile. Mr. Lucas, how do you explain that in Star Wars Obi-Wan tells Luke when he met his father he was a great pilot, but in Menace he's just a little boy?
GEORGE LUCAS: Well, my kids thought...
RANDAL: And how come Obi-Wan tells Luke that Yoda is the Jedi that trains him, but in the movie Liam Neeson trains him?
GEORGE LUCAS: Um, well, the power of myth...
RANDAL: Isn't it true you knew this was a bad movie, that you wrote it over a weekend but told people you had it written for years?
LAWYER: Objection! The pod race was pretty cool.

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

4:52 a.m. - 12.06.05


You might think it was Denis Leary, but no.

Crate said it:
" The vortex may make you serene but it doesn't stop you from parking like an ass hole."

Quoted from the notebook of pop-trash

1:21 p.m. - 2005-11-29



From Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire:
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Professor Moody! What are you doing?
Professor Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody: Teaching.
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Is - is that a student?
Professor Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody: Technically it's a ferret.

From Dawn of the Dead:
Michael: Truck's not gonna make it to Fort Pastor.
Steve: No, forget the truck. That place is fucked, man. Bloodbath city.
Kenneth: How do you know?
Norma: We just came from there.
Kenneth: Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Well, dead-ish.
Kenneth: Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Yeah, in the sense that they all sort of, uh... fell down... and then got up... and started eating each other.

From the Family Guy:
Stewie Griffin: Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb.

And finally from Will & Grace:
Karen: It's the oldest story in the book. Boy meets girl. Boy wants girl to do dominatrix film. Girls says, "Naked?" Boy says, "Yeah." Girl says, "No way." Boy says, "Okay how about you just wear this rubber dress and beat this old guy with a scrub brush?" Girl says, "How hard?"

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

11:44 p.m. - 11.22.05


Me? I'm going just for the cat.

Grosse Pointe Blank

Marty: "They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs and, you know, they've all made themseves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? 'I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been'?"

Debi: "Everybody's coming bck to take stock of their lives. You know what I say? Leave your livestock alone."

Overheard in New York

Chick: He was not really completely gay.

Guy: What was he then?

Chick: He was more just completely fabulous.

Woman: And I am not going to Los Angeles JUST to have my horoscope read by the psychic cat.

Quoted from the notebook of pop-trash

5:37 p.m. - 2005-11-22


Hellish cruisade

Batman Returns gives us this gem:

Selina Kyle: It's the so called "normal" guys that always let you down. Sickos never scared me, at least they're committed.

and her alterego Catwoman brings us:
"Please, I wouldn't touch you to scratch you."

From Broadcast News:

Aaron Altman: Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time.

From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new):

Willy: Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children is called canniblilism and it is frowned upon in most societies.

From Addams Family Values:

"These Addams men. Where do you find them?

"It has to be damp."

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take these out of his mouth.

Morticia: I'm just like every other modern woman trying to have it all. A loving husband, a family. I only wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish cruisade.

Quoted from the notebook of pop-trash

11:41 a.m. - 2005-11-21


Free Thinkers

Hellooo everybody. I hope you are having a swell day. Here are some new quotes.

From the Young Ones:
Vyvyan: Neil, is it really necessary to nail the plates to the table? What happens when we want to play Monopoly? Go directly to plate? Do not pass plate nailed to the table by a stupid hippie?

[Speaking to Bambi, the host of "University Challenge"]
Vyvyan: I liked the part where you shoved the drill in the virgin otter's face.
Neil: That wasn't in BAMBI, Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: It was in the sequel, "Bambi Goes Crazy Ape Bonkers with his Drill and Sex"
Neil: Is that true Bambi? Did you do a Disney Nasty?

These are from Reno 911:
Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die.

[Wiegel's boyfriend may be a serial killer]
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: It really upsets me to hear what the other deputies say about Craig, but he cares for me. He told me that... he would cut my head off and eat it, if I ever needed him to. That's love, I'm sorry. He didn't need to say the L-word.

And finally one from House, M.D.:
Dr. Roger Spain (First Applicant): Wow, I thought you'd be the last person to have a problem with nonconformity.
Dr. Gregory House: Nonconformity; right... I can't remember the last time saw a twenty something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker! You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don't leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They're the ones that don't care what you think.
Dr. Gregory House: Sayonara
[Dr. Spain exits office]
Dr. Wilson: So, should I go through all the resumes looking for Asian names?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, the Asian kids are probably just responding to parental pressure, but my point is still valid.

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

11:37 p.m. - 11.18.05


A mishmash

From CSI:

Catherine "It's raining man juice."

Sara "Allelulia?"

From Will & Grace:

Grace to Karen "Back off or I'll force you into a brightly colored polyblend."

Nathan "Lighten up Will, it's breakfast not a pelvic exam."

Jack's Boss "I will go carnival freak crazy on your ass"

Will "Are you having your stroke in installments?"

Rosario "Oh lady, put a cork in that whine."

From Finding Nemo

Marlin "So we're cheating death now. That's what we're doing. We're having fun at the same time."

From the YourTaxDollarsasWork message board:

"What I've learned from watching CSI? That The Who are hell bent on findig out who you are."

From the tragically cancelled tv show Eyes

Harlan Judd "If this is as mad as you think you're gonna get you might wanna pace yourself."

Harlan's assistant "We already have a wide and thorough collection of excellent enemies, do we really want one more?"

Harlan "In an alternate univers where I'm not an opportunistic, amoral, greedy bastard...she's my girlfriend."

From Just Shoot Me

Elliot "Congratulations! You are now a graduate of the school of the blatantly obvious!"

From Witches of Eastwich and my favorite movie quote of all time:

Alexandra "I, I am positive...that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones.

You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell.

You're not even interesting enough to make me sick."

Daryl (in response) "So do you want to be on the bottom or the top?"

Quoted from the notebook of oomm

12:59 p.m. - 2005-11-16


happy DIE

Joel: What do you want for Christmas, Crow?
Crow T. Robot: I wanna decide who lives and who dies!

Who doesn't. That quote is from Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you haven't watched it, well you should.

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

6:55 p.m. - 11.15.05


extreme violence

VYVYAN: This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.

From The Young Ones

also just plain old good words to live by.

Quoted from the notebook of oomm

5:23 p.m. - 2005-11-15



Guy #1: Do you have a light?
Guy #2: I don't think you should smoke, this is a cancer walk.
Guy #1: Yes, but it's not for lung cancer.

Find this ditty in Overheard in New York

Quoted from the notebook of geeked-out

12:20 p.m. - 11.15.05



Sometimes you just need to share all the quotes you find hilarious with everyone else. This is the place to do it.

Quoted from the notebook of pop-trash

1:43 a.m. - 2005-11-15